One Great Love Story

Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,

It remains a grain of wheat,

But if it dies,

It produces much fruit--John 12:24

One cannot know the hour of death and as an American male, my culture has taught me that death itself is taboo.  We cannot talk about death because it is morbid, sad, and uncomfortable.  However, when inspired by the Saints and encouraged through faith and sacramental inclusion, my life becomes death.  In the Gospel of Saint John, Jesus says that “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit” (Jn 12:24). 

I have heard at retreats, seminars, conferences, at the Holy Mass, and in conversation about the value of dying to sin.  I must pass away to the things that distract from the Lord and empty myself to become the humble servant.  I’ve reflected and prayed about this often and have even changed my preferred Act of Contrition in confession.  I say “Father, I have sinned against heaven and earth and am no longer worth to be called your son.  May God have mercy on me, a sinner.” 

This statement is based on the story of the prodigal son who returns home after living sinfully, then living penitentially, and he finally comes home to seek forgiveness.  It mirrors my life.  I live sinfully and then I try to atone for my sin myself and fail.  I then come home to Jesus and seek forgiveness in the Sacrament of Confession.  Mercy is God’s way of welcoming me home. 

My life is one great love story between God and me.  I suspect that every single human being shares in this love story.  The tragic part is that there are many people who are deprived of knowledge of the love of God.  Their tragedy opens up the call of Jesus to the Church to engage in missionary work to bring “freedom to the captives” (Lk 4:18).  As a member of the Church and a man baptized in the Christian faith, I, too, bear the responsibility to bring freedom to the captives by opening my life to others as a witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  And in failing to do so, I sin most egregiously.  God has given me a gift for speaking, for preaching.  In choosing to live selfishly and not for others, I waste God’s time in his plan for me.  Reconciling this difficulty seems to be a most difficult challenge.  But faith requires constant conversion.  I must daily remember the cross, pick it up and live in such a way as to glorify not myself, but the one who saved me. 

In returning to the story of the grain of wheat, I must die to rise and live.  For the past few weeks, I have been far too trapped in the reflections concerning death.  With a deployment upon my horizon to Afghanistan, it has been far too easy to focus on me as this post does well to point out.  My life for the past few weeks has been about me.  In living for Christ and for the sake of the Gospel, I must remember to serve the people that God has placed in my life.  It is as simple as a phone call or visit.  Sometimes service requires an inward movement of my heart with results in actions that show my love of Christ and the people around me. 

I am going to die and I don’t know when.  So for the sake of the Gospel, I must live as God intends and live in such a way that my baptism is never brought into question.  I have been called to serve as priest, prophet, and king.  This is no different than any other baptized person.  I have been called to live a life of holiness.  This is no different than any other baptized person.  I have been called to witness to the love of God.  Once more, this is no different than any other baptized person.  But, to do so I must allow myself to be ministered to and to minister to others.  I must be open to the Holy Spirit and have the courage to proclaim aloud my faith and to hold my friends accountable to holy living.  I must humble enough to let them hold me accountable to my own personal holiness. 

At the end of the day, I must ask myself, “What did I do for the Lord today?”  And each day, I hope and pray that I can tell him a story that is never ending.