I Know You Are But What Am I?

I write to you not because you do not know the truth 

but because you do, and because every lie is alien to the truth.- 1 John 2:21

This is my first post in many months.  I hope to write about what has been going on but first, I want to talk about a thought that has been with me for some time.  

When I was in grade school, the kids gave me the nickname “chia” after the pottery product, Chia Pet.  I had hair that today makes me hearken to Harry Potter descriptions as dark and out of control.  Their nickname was not necessarily misplaced.  The point of this story is that kids say things that should really make us think as adults.  Our parents tell us to tell kids who pick on us that sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.  But what often comes out is I know you are but what am I?  

‘I know you are but what am I’?  This phrase has been on my heart so much lately.  I am in the process of beginning my application to seminary.  It seems that my prayer life has been so desolate and I am completely under spiritual attack often.  And yet, I cannot look to Jesus and say with all honesty, ‘I know you are but what am I’?  

The scripture readings for the day before the feast of Mary, Mother of God, begins with a passage from the first letter of Saint John.  In this passage, he directs the children to beware for people who are posing as saviors.  He also gives this same warning to us.  He tells us that we have been anointed by Christ, recalling our baptism in the same Christ our Lord.  The Church teaches that through the Holy Spirit that we are given gifts and this passage specifically references the gift of knowledge.  We can know that God is God.  

The Gospel also calls to mind the divine nature of Jesus as we hear the opening verses of Saint John’s Gospel.  The Word was with God and the Word was God.  May the Lord help us to remember who he is.  And in the throes of the struggles of every life, it is easy to think that the struggle that I face, and all people face, is the temptation to forget that Jesus is always present to us.  And when life falls apart and the struggles overwhelm me, I cry to Jesus for help.  

When things are good and bad, I pray that I can cry out to Jesus:  I know you are but what am I.  And in his loving kindness, may He tell me who I am.