Why I Want To Be A Father, Part 5

“Thus says the LORD: Put your house in order,
for you are about to die; you shall not recover.”- Isaiah 38:1

Today’s reflection is a continuation of Part 4.  This will be a vocational reflection but I want to share some anecdotal stories before really getting heavy into the meat of today’s reflection. 

Having daily Mass in Afghanistan has been a tremendous boost to my spiritual strength and has been food to my soul.  I often prepare the readings before Mass, I only glanced briefly at the readings today because I was running late for Mass.  Sometimes, mission dictates that I cannot make the weekday Mass.  Today, arrived just before the rosary and after I briefly glanced at the readings, I approached the altar and checked the readings of the day in the lectionary and made sure they were for today.  I then bowed and set the Sacramentary for today.  Ordinarily, the Mass is prepared by a full-bird Colonel.  Father comes in and sets the Sacramentary and then nods for the start of the rosary.  I have decided to set the book when I come in.  The Colonel approached me after Mass and asked me if I had any formal training referencing as a liturgist, sacristan or altar server.  I politely indicated that I had none but that I paid too much attention to my priests. 

Some would view this as a sign of a vocation to the priesthood, and in many cases they are probably correct.  I once observed altar server training for a few moments and the sacristan noted that if the servers wanted to learn the book, they could be instructed how to set the Sacramentary. 

Anecdotes aside, the readings for Mass really made me think about vocations.  The command to put one’s house in order because of impending death struck me as a universal message.  It especially applies to all deployed soldiers, but it definitely applies to everybody because we are all going to die.  Some consider it morose or maudlin to consider death.  But death has to be the universal constant in today’s world.  And I wondered what it means to have one’s house in order.

From the internal and personal spiritual perspective, I think that it is about having one’s heart turned towards Jesus.  As the Gospel message today also affirms, Jesus desires mercy.  Jesus wants to give us his grace and mercy just as much as he wants us to be gracious and merciful to others.  He commands us to love as he loves us.  God is love.  In the Liturgy of the Eucharist, one of the ‘presidential’ (of the presider) prayers that is meant to be said in a low voice states, “By the mystery of this water and wine may we come to share in the divinity of Christ who humbled himself to share in our humanity.”  I don’t know of if there is any theology that says this but I think that sharing God’s love in being gracious and merciful and, most of all, loving, is also a sharing in Christ’s divinity.  I have heard many times, ‘to err is human, to forgive, divine.’  And all exists when we turn our hearts towards Jesus.

And this is why I want to be a father.  In the context of parenting, I have come to see from my friends, who have children, that they experience the greatest love for their children when they are disciplining them.  For clarity, I want to distinguish between disciplining and punishing.  Disciplining, as I wish to define it, is to correct in an instructional and guiding way.  Punishment is a consequential action with little corrective or instructional aspects.  With these definitions it is clear why disciplining children is a great act of love. 

This is also one of the great joys of children.  Anybody who thinks that there will not be work when it comes to raising children or that their children will be perfect are either crazy or mistaken about what it means to be a child.  I think it would be great joy to watch my child succeed because I taught him something.  I get to say, “I taught him that and look at him now.”  There are many fathers who beam proudly over their children.  I have spent decades of my life looking for that pride from my own father and never found it.  But I have come to see now, that my father has been proud of my accomplishments all along. 

My father just didn’t know how discipline me.  He didn’t know how to correct me instructively and patiently.  He didn’t have an earthly father to teach him, to instruct him or love him.  It may have taken decades but he has learned to say ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m proud of you.’  I have read a couple of male spirituality books.  Some address the father wound and some say that wound is not as important as the walk with Christ.  I believe that every parent who cares for their children do the best they can with what they have.  I firmly believe these parents do not wake up each day and seek to ruin their children.  It is unfortunate that the notion of equality that is pervasive in our culture is also seeking to apply this to parenting.  Some parents who don’t have the skills but have the love are considered bad parents because they are ill equipped to discipline their children. 

I know I would be loving and patient with my children, but that does not exclude discipline.  My children would have bounds and order in their lives.  I do think that I would also have a soft spot for my children as well.  I think a healthy balance of discipline and mercy is developed over time and is just as unique with each child as Jesus is with us.  Loving children is an active participation in the life of the Church. 

God in community via trinity is the perfection of the family.  I want to love my wife so deeply and passionately that children proceed from that love just as the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son.  Granted this is only if God calls me to this state of life.  I think that it is essential to discern this state of life.  It is attractive, just as the priesthood is attractive.  The family, the father is the most admirable part of the calling of a man in the state of matrimony to me because it is the image of the love between husband and wife. 

Why do I want to be a father?  I want to love the children of my wife.