Never Beyond Your Reach

For as in one body we have many members, 
and the members do not all have the same function, 
so we, though many, are one body in Christ... - Romans 12:4-5

This passage from the Letter of St Paul to the Romans came from a web search for scripture quotes about vocations.  Jesus calls each of us to a particular vocation for service of the Kingdom of God.  Often times, I find that I am too distracted to notice Jesus reaching out to me every day.  The praise and worship song "Amazed" speaks the words so loudly and so very clearly, "You sing all around but I never hear the sound."  Yes, Lord, I am amazed by you.  

If only I can remember throughout the day that I am amazed by the Lord every time I dare to even think of him.  I recently started scribing notes for a book that I want to write about temptation.  Will it ever be completed?  I highly doubt it.  I think it will come to be just like my many other attempts at such a manuscript which is to say that it will end up as a 5-15 page essay that when I re-read it, I am almost ashamed at my own preposterous attempts.  Today, I again faced temptations and failed on many fronts.  There are many that I could begin to talk about but one fits with the scripture passage.  

I have spent a great deal of my Christian life in discernment about a vocation to the priesthood.  I vacillate between yea and nay.  In life and with everything, I vacillate.  The only thing I have ever been able to commit to long lasting has been the Army and that comes with a contract.  And yet, I know God is calling me to serve him.  

Today, as I was walking to my job site, there was a voice in my head that kept saying that there is no way God is calling me to be a priest.  I shook my head and the thought was there still.  I sit back and think about my past with the promiscuity, arrests (yes, I have been arrested for missing court and also for DUI), and my own prodigal interests.  How could and why would God ever call me to be a priest?  My platoon sergeant made a joke about me being a virgin and I replied how I wished that could be true.  I spent time dwelling on my sinfulness.

Then I thought about the last vocations director I met with.  I could see as my interview drew on and on how my sinful past had him thinking the same question, how could and why would God ever call this man to be a priest?  St Paul said to the Ephesians and to me, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace" (Eph 1:7).  This scripture passage and the grace through the Sacrament of Reconciliation tell me that I am forgiven and free.  

Choosing to dwell on my sinfulness is an affront to the sacrament and an offense to Jesus, who looked down from the cross and saw me.  In renewing myself this evening with the grace of God and the hope of a new day before me, I once again resolve with the help of God's grace (and the intercessions of St Augustine, St Dominic and the saints) to sin no more and avoid the near occasions of sin.

To close this brief entry, I quote the late Rich Mullins from "Sometimes By Step":

Sometimes I think of Abraham

How one star he saw had been lit for me

He was a stranger in this land

And I am that, no less than he

And on this road to righteousness

Sometimes the climb can be so steep

I may falter in my steps

But never beyond your reach

There Was Great Joy

There was great joy... Acts 8:8

I have given many reflections based upon the readings and am now going to shift my style of writing away from the readings and more to things that circulate in my world.  I thoroughly intend to continue to write about things that move me spiritually and to write about the faith.  At this time, it is more about the glory of God being worked through the people around me and the great work of the angels who have been entrusted for our care.

The Army is not an easy place to be a practicing Christian.  This profession is even more difficult for a Catholic Christian.  And yet, it is a profession I have voluntarily been a member of for 13 years.  The military is the longest voluntary relationship I have had in my life.  Being faithful here while deployed is a great spiritual battle and challenge, but one that is not impossible.

Despite contrary regulations, I have realized that the soldiers have an extreme amount of porn.  I cannot possibly fathom the amount that floats around my platoon, let alone this base or even this country.  The subject of masturbation is out of place in conversations back home, but it discussed like another topic.  I am sure that it is brought up around me just to see how I respond.  During Lent, I firmly recommitted myself to purity of heart and mind by not giving in to the temptation of the material around me.  I didn't want to appear as though I were acting directly from a religious standpoint, even though I was.  A quick web search through Covenant Eyes and learned a great deal about the prevalence of pornography with concrete statistics and numbers.  The search also revealed that there is a 'reddit' web page that specifically encourages people to not view porn or masturbate.

The great joy for me is knowing that my moral life choices serve a greater purpose than self gratification.  The great joy is also an experience of the Lord that invites me to want to love Jesus more every day and live in such a way that others want to love him too.  When I look to the world and see Jesus, I am overwhelmed.  When I think of my friends and our shared experiences founded in our faith, there was great joy.