Sunday, January 12, 2014

Love Is The Gospel Joy

Usually I begin each entry with some sort of scripture passage.  Today, I am looking to reflect on love.  this will be just a stream of consciousness.  There is no real structure or order to this entry.

God makes us a promise that when life is cold, we will never have to be without love.  As we are carefully and wonderfully created and fashioned by the hand of God, our souls bear the imprint of God himself.  As God is love, our souls also have love.  The greatest pain I believe a person can experience is to feel unloved.  However, the Lord shares with us his life and love through the Gospel.  In the words which recount for us the life of Jesus, we will find the invitation to share in the Gospel joy.

There is no greater love than this, to be willing to die for one's friends.  Jesus tells his disciples this in the Gospel according to Saint John.  We read that this sacrifice is fulfilled in the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus.  We also read from Saint Paul that we should seek to imitate our Lord.  But what does it look like to be willing to die for one's friends?  Pain teaches us that we should seek to protect ourselves and avoid the things which could take our lives.  In a sense, pain makes us self-preserving.  Wanting to live is not a bad thing.  The Lord, himself, tells us that he came that we might have life and have it to the fullest.  With that said, how ought we be willing to die?

I would like to conjecture that this willingness is a response to the Lord's call to love our neighbors as ourselves.  If we are protective of our lives, then out of love, it seems that we should be willing to protect the lives of our friends.  Sometimes, loving our friends is very easy and other times, it can be a mighty struggle.

For each of my friends, there exists a sacred bond.  A special unity exists in my friendships that is unique to each of us.  Common experiences and common faith bind us to one another.  Some of my friends and I are friends for no discernible reason.  And I have friends where communication has decayed and degraded over time.  However, my resolve to serve and defend them remains as adamant as the first time I called them "friend."  The best thing about my friendships is our ability to look past each other's sins and transgressions and continue to enjoy each other's company.

My past is not without regrets for my transgressions.  And it is my great hope that one day there can be peace and reconciliation.  I don't know what that will look like but I pray it happens while my conciliatory words have meaning.  And when my time to die comes, I pray that forgiveness finds me and the peace of the Lord carries me.

My future is known only to the Lord.  However, if the present gives any indication, I see both joy and sorrow ahead.  And yet, through it all, there will be the constancy of the Gospel joy.  Joy is not always happy nor is it sad.  It is the peace and contentment that something good has happened and that something good will happen.

I pray that I can always know the love found in the Gospel joy.  And as this reflection comes to and end, may the Lord grant me and you a restful night and a peaceful death.  

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Letter Never Sent


So many words get said but rarely get thoughts placed before them.  There is a real challenge for me in determining what is God’s will for me in my life.  My mentors and friends tell me to use my deployment to let everything go and get on track and move on.  What is lost in this are my emotions.  I take everything that is said to me, that is done to me, and think.  It’s amazing to me just how much thinking I do on a daily basis.  What I think most about is where I have gone wrong with relationships.  I’ve always thought it easy to be single and have no worries or stress.  But this thought never takes into account the love factor.  What happens when we find love?  Pope John Paul II wrote that “man cannot live without love.”  It should be logical that I would fall back into faith and remember that God loves me and that there is a plan.  But I don’t discern anymore.   I don’t ask the Lord to come into my life and guide my footsteps.  

I used to say to live like there are no regrets.  But I am realizing that there are many things I regret.  All my regrets stem from my lack of self-control.  I am not used to really being in control.  I have been virtually independent since I was 18.  Despite a dozen years on my own, I’ve relied on others for cues on how to act and what to say.  So what is left?  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I couldn’t control myself.  I’m sorry I couldn’t let go.  I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on.  I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my words to myself.  I’m sorry I couldn’t let my words go out.  I’m sorry I couldn’t love like I wasn’t afraid.  I’m sorry I was afraid.  I’m sorry I didn’t listen.  I’m sorry I couldn’t speak.  I’m just sorry.

I’ve been living the half-life.  I wake up to a sunrise.  I feel like I’m tied up.  I prayed to go free.  And so I will live like there’s no tomorrow.  I sing like nobody’s listening.  I give like I have plenty.  I promise to love like I’m not afraid.  I will be the way I was made.  

I feel like letting go.  May God let me let go.