Trust, Courage and Faith

“Put your finger here and see my hands,

and bring your hand and put it into my side,

and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”- John 20:27

     Today, I would like to deviate from my usual form of blogging about the Mass readings of the day.  When considering what to write, I tend to reflect upon all of the readings and their context.  When I do write, I note what I would say if I were giving a homily.  Sometimes, it almost seems arrogant to me because I am not an ordained priest, but then I remember my baptism.  I remember that I am called to witness to Christ and reject Satan.  I remember that I already priest, prophet and king by virtue of my baptism.  And today, I want to reflect upon Saint Thomas.  

     There are certainly more scholarly works which can be referenced.  Theologians and historians and priests who know far more about the Saints than I will ever know about anything could give a much better opinion and reflection for the people.  But I am finding myself considering that I am just like Thomas and that our Lord is speaking directly to me.  

     The Gospel readings over the past couple of days speak to trust, courage and faith.  These things tend to be the most difficult for me to maintain in my everyday life.  I keep a spreadsheet to help me budget my finances so that I don’t default on my obligations and still maintain enough to ensure that I can continue my standard of living.  My standard of living is not entirely in tune with the challenge the Lord set before me of imitation of him.  The Lord asks us to be courageous in our witness to his life and love.  How many times a day I realize I miss out on the opportunities he has given me to open my heart and mind and preach his Gospel with my life are innumerable.  I sometimes justify my ignorance of this command by thinking that wearing a cross or crucifix is enough.  And, finally, like Thomas, I waver in my faith.  I get caught believing and placing my trust in the things I can see, feel, taste or hear.  The Mass is ordinarily what brings my life back into focus.  

     Being faithful and believing in what Jesus tells me requires that I seek him out in my everyday life.  Whether it be at work, home or in the Church, the Holy Spirit waits patiently to bring me back into line with what I profess to believe every Sunday.  So when I read about Thomas who said he could not believe unless he placed his hands within the wounds of the Lord, he could not believe, I feel like I need to do the same.  But the Lord calls upon me to place my hands upon my own wounds and know that He is sharing in my suffering.  Saint Peter tells me to cast my worries upon him because he cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  I cannot cast my fears, doubts, anxieties or anything else until I take them into my hands, both literally and figuratively.  The action of lifting them up to the Lord is the first step to liberation.  Embracing the suffering I have becomes much easier when the suffering is cast off.  Sin and shame will follow once these weighty things are taken away.  And then I can cry, “my Lord and my God!”

     I can be like Thomas.  I have doubts.  But hope and faith in Lord bring me back.  And strengthened by his sacramental love for me, I renew my love for the Lord and live as he intends for me to live.