Why I Want To Be A Father, Part 3

Then he took the bread, said the blessing, 

broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 

“This is my body, which will be given for you; 

do this in memory of me.”

And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, 

“This cup is the new covenant in my blood, 

which will be shed for you.” - Luke 22:19-20

The Council Fathers of the Second Vatican Council affirmed the truth that the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith.  We believe that Jesus is present body, blood, soul and divinity in the Blessed Sacrament.  Without the priest, there would be no Mass, and by extension, we would not have the Eucharist.  

The tradition of the Church teaches us that the Catholic priesthood began with the Last Supper.  The vocation of the priest is intimately linked to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  Jesus chose the institution of the Eucharist with the institution of the priesthood.  My own conversion begins with the Eucharist.  

Though I was lonely when I was invited to the Church, the real inspiration for choosing to stay was Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  When I would go to Mass, I would feel shame in not being able to receive the Sacrament, which I freely admit I did not know that it was truly the body and blood of the Lord.  The pastor at the time counseled me that there was no shame in where I was as a newcomer to the faith.  It was not until the Steubenville of the Rockies where I had my first intimate encounter with Jesus in the Sacrament during adoration.  The best description is that I was overwhelmed by the grace of God and could express myself with tears.  I prided myself on my own strength and looked down upon people who cried as weak.  And in the presence of the Lord, I was humbled to tears.  It was then that I was prompted to seek Confession for my sins.  

My baptism happened in Germany when I was 5 when I had little control over anything.  My first Confession happened because I was called to repentance.  My first Holy Communion happened at a daily Mass.  I was confirmed in the associate pastor’s office.  My sacramental life was extraordinary.  God bestowed upon me amazing graces which I, in my childish and selfishness, abused during most of my life as a practicing Catholic.  This I now know.  

I think it fair to say that I knew of God most of my life, despite only going to Mass a handful of times up to my 18th birthday.  I think it humbling to confess that I didn’t really know God until recently.  To the beginning of this, my third, deployment I have to confess that I was still mired in grave sin.  I have lied to myself and others through the veil of piety until I was convicted by the Holy Father’s encyclical, Evangelii Gaudium.  I think it even worse for me that I could speaks words of faith and comfort and not know the source.  I am humbled again to consider that God has used me despite my sins and personal failings.  But my faith is renewed by participating in the Liturgy.  

I was at Mass at my FOB and felt my heart burning during the Eucharistic Prayer.  The following week at Mass, I again felt my heart burning during the Eucharistic Prayer.  That last Mass also had me slightly distracted because of a spider in the tent during Mass.  It didn’t move during the Eucharistic Prayer and barely moved during Mass, even though it should have been stepped on and crushed where it stayed.  I attribute this to the spider being called to worship God.  Of course, I cannot know this for sure, but it made for an interesting Mass.

In the Eucharist, the love and mercy of God and his grace is given freely to us by the saving works of Jesus.  In this Sacrament, I cannot help but receive his grace and love and mercy because I am a sinner in desperate need of his love and mercy and grace.  I feel the source of my love for Jesus and my desire to be a priest comes from the Eucharist.  I want to be a priest.  But what vocation director would accept this poor sinner?